Companions

"Is this all there is?"

I said to myself...

"Is this what I signed up for?"

"Is my life on the shelf?"

Beauty is everywhere

When I look outside

But it's so lonely with no one

To share it by my side.

I know he is out there...

He's waiting for me

With trust and sure faith,

Very soon, I shall see.

I know I'm not alone

I need only go within

Or look into my little dog's eyes

To see God's gentle grin.

Animals need companions

Others of their own kind...

Humans are no different

Desiring someone of like mind.

They say, "No man's an island."

Took me a while to see

That I need to share my life

With someone besides me

Where is he?

Dreams Coming True

Watching, waiting, contemplating...

The next move will be the best move

Where dreams come true- we've been waiting so long.

My little dog and I

For our very own castle

Our own home to buy.

It's truly our turn;

Joy is coming our way...

There'll be a yard with organic veggies

And a place for Mal to play.

Our own piece of heaven

With our own four walls...

With great, quiet neighbors

No screaming kid down the halls!

Something to own 

And decorate to my wishes

A table for four

With bright-colored dishes.

Every woman's home is her castle

This I know is true

For there are many mansions

And one's exactly right for you!

Thoughts on Home...

Home is where the warm, quiet stillness within my heart radiates outward...

Home is tangible... 


It's coming home to my vinyl-sided pale yellow castle and being bombarded with wet, sloppy kisses painted onto my cheeks from  a pair of little red hounds who have been longing for me to return from the day's adventures.

Home is where my organic veggie food grows in the backyard, sprouting up from the Earth to greet the warm Sun or thirstily drink in the raindrops on a grey October day.

At Home is where I dance on hardwood floors to rhythmic beats of Bono singing "Surrender" from 1983. Home IS surrendering...

Where we cuddle on the over-sized velvety  sofa with our  arms wrapped around each other, enthralled with a new release movie.

Home is where the fragrance of sweet Banana Nut bread baking in my oven permeates the entire house while candlelight glows in tandem with the full moonlight beaming brightly through  living room windows.

Home is Spiritual...

It comes along wherever I take my Being to places that are joy-filled. It is the stillness during a meditation when my eyes are closed and life in the physical world slows down and the dull roar becomes a gentle whisper...

Home is where the trees rustle as the wind of Spirit playfully tickles their leaves.

Home is the sea with blue-green waves sweeping the sandy shore as I inhale the intoxicating salty sea air!

Where seagulls plant their orange, spindly feet upon my lightly sunburned shoulders as they plead to me with those piercing all-knowing Avian eyes for "some of what I'm having."-And then, Home is when I "give in." 

Home is the company of family, not necessarily blood relatives, but my tribe of people and creatures that I have a history with. Where I am emotionally embraced and supported without judgement. 

Most of all, Home is Love... it's wherever I AM and I AM  everywhere I take me!

Spring is Here and New Dreams Come With It!

Well, I feel as tho I have weathered the greater part of my "storm" although the storm is not quite over yet, however I can see light at the end of the tunnel so to speak! My Mom's birthday is coming up on Monday, April 2nd and this has given me the wonderful idea to *finally* begin writing my first book on her birthday, in her honor. Mom used to love to write poetry and writing in general as well as having a true fondness for children. The book I am going to write is Divinely inspired (aren't they ALL LOL...) by a gift given to me by my Mom. What makes this gift so special is that it was given to me AFTER my Mom made her transition back to non-physical in 1993! The book will revolve around the Snowy Owl (see my snowy owl story in this blog at an earlier date.) This is going to be great fun and I just know my Mom will be helping me to write it! Happy Spring everyone!

At the End of the Trail....

I haven't written a new blog post in what seems like eons, but here we go! My life has been extremely fast-paced and full of major changes in the past year or so. In 2011, I moved twice, after not being able to keep my Clarkston apt, when after being seriously injured at work in 2010 from a fall,( worker's comp decided I was magically cured and didn't really still need 2 surgeries)- I moved into an acquaintance's trailer home and then after 2 months, was told I would have to move out 30 days later, by January 1st 2012.This really threw me as she had previously told me I could stay "as long as I needed to", and that she "couldn't ask for a better roommate..." I spent a fast and furious week immediately after Christmas in 24/7 prayer and vigilantly searched craigslist, newspapers, and drove through neighborhoods to find a place to live. I found (or rather God found) an apt in Wolverine Lake that was relatively quiet and accepted dogs. (Not allowing dogs would have been a deal breaker!). I filled out the application and waited and waited to hear back from the independent landlord to let me know if I could have the apt or not. I made a full-time job of correcting my fear-filled thoughts and focused on only the positive as I was wrestling with the anxiety knowing that my FICO credit score went from mid 600's a year before when I had $5,000 in the bank and was working with a realtor to buy a house to the high 500's now. Since my slip and fall that occurred in May of 2010, my whole life has been rearranged. Gone are all the things I thought were important or valuable to have in my life including people I thought were friends, furniture, apt's, clothes, TV's. I have come to see and know that if someone or something is no longer a part of my life, then God is going to replace them with something far better. I like to refer to 2011 (after getting through the grief of all the losses and feeling like it was THE worst year of my entire life.) as the year that the Universe rearranged my life so that I could gain clearer vision and focus on the things and people that bring me more joy! I am no longer willing to subject myself or take part in anything that does not bring me joy! Period. End of story.
 Life is very short, and I believe we must LIVE a happy life, not spend the majority of it in "pursuit" of happiness! My life is now, not tomorrow, not yesterday, but now. NOW is all we have, but you know, it is more than enough! I am not "out of the woods" yet, but I can definitely see the lake at the end of the trail!

Even If Yer Ass Falls Off...

After waiting in the local human services office for 3 hours this past Monday I was told I was not eligible for either Medicaid or the state disability assistance program by not one, but two women (this must have been in case I decided to go postal on my case worker.)The "SDA" was designed to help provide cash assistance for people who have no income and Medicaid was created for people with low or no-income that meet certain um, "criteria." I was stunned to say the least! Altho I   have zero income right now, creditors haunt my cell phone daily to inquire if just 3 days after I last spoke with them if anything changed in my income status that would enable me to come up with payments amounting anywhere from $50 to $189. I visualize telling them "why, yes! I just won the Mega Millions Lottery yesterday! -sure, I can gladly pay you Tuesday..." or, "Ya know, my hip labrum tear, femur displacement and rotator cuff tear all miraculously healed, and then I was offered a dream job all within 3 days!-sure, how much money do you need for me to bring my account up to date?"

 My federal student loans for nursing school  going back to  2005 totaling over $17,000 have been placed in deferment indefinitely. To add salt to this wound, I was informed that I will be responsible for paying ALL of the continually accruing interest  on said deferred federal loans!  How nice...

In August, I  was forced to break a one year lease by just ONE month and I lost my beautiful 2 bedroom 2 bath 1,000 square foot apartment in a quaint middle class Michigan suburban town. (because I was 45 and disabled not 55 and disabled.)

I sold everything I own on either Ebay or Craigslist, including the brand new furniture I still owe the furniture company over $3,000 for, and dropped off remaining various and sundry items for 2 weekend garage sales to friend's homes. I took my Dell desktop PC to a computer geek friend to have it "gutted" so I could sell it as well. (I still need money to make my $317 a month car payment!)

"Loss"  has become my middle name for the past fourteen months when just prior to May of 2010, life was much rosier and I had $5,000 in the bank and I was working with a Realtor to purchase my first house at 44 (FORTY-four and there's so much more!...)- financially, my life was quite peachy!

 Serenity eluded me this past summer as two days before my 45th birthday,  I received a letter in the mail from the worker comp insurance company informing me that I was no longer going to be receiving medical care or lost wages. (Altho  to this day at the very least I still need hip and  shoulder surgeries.) I called charities, churches and food banks  in July and was continually informed that either I did not qualify because I was not a resident of this city or that township, or  routinely got  a "sorry, but we are all out of funds/ways and means/food..."  I still await word from my attorney that my worker's comp insurance company  has been ordered to pay for the 2 surgeries I've  needed since my slip and fall almost a year and a half ago as well as repay my  lost wages. The pain in my right hip has gotten worse and my shoulder range of motion is documented to be less than half of what it was prior to the surgery I had last November. (Good thing I decided to hoard some of my pain medications!)

There have been days  I've  wondered if I was perhaps born under a "dark star", or "it must be my Scorpio Rising" giving me grief as everyone in the metaphysical community KNOWS that anyone having anything remotely "Scorpionic" in their charts spells a life of more than a few challenges...  =) or that I must have been  Jack-the-Ripper's first cousin in a past life and now it is time to pay my "karmic dues."  Or  that this must be my "valley time" in life's peaks and valleys...Hey, I thought I already went thru the "Valley Stage" as a teenaged "Valley Girl" growing up in San Diego in the 80's!!!...like totally NOT!

 I even thought, being the undogmatic and so not-religious-but-spiritual person that I am, (after all, my name "Christine" stands for "fair Christian" not "good" Christian or "devout Christian" but "fair Christian!"...)that perhaps this is just my "Job-time"  like the famous story of Job in the Bible? and  I'm  supposed to learn some type of spiritual lesson? And finally, hey! this  SURELY, must be evidence of  my VERY LAST INCARNATION on Earth! ;)

But no, this is life. No one gets out unscathed. No one. Not anyone. Anywhere...

I have finally come to the realization that no matter how sunny everyone's life looks on the outside, everyone goes thru some type of grief or trauma. It's par for the course...(even for us non-golfers).The soccer Mom and the corporate CEO Dad with a nuclear family living in yuppity uppity middle class suburbia only look "normal" on the outside. On the inside, there are soccer Mom's having affairs with school principals, and nuclear children with personality disorders.  There are corporate CEO Dads writing off more than just business lunches. The smiling waitress at Big Boy serving your meals has a mother who just died and she has no money for the funeral. The police officer that pulled you over for speeding has a young wife he dearly loves who is dying of cancer and at the same time, he has to take care of his invalid 84-year-old father with Alzheimer's and pack lunches for his 7 year-old daughter.

What can one do? One can say an abbreviated version of the famous Serenity prayer, and yell out like Seinfeld, "Serenity NOW!" Or "God, help!" She can buy stock in Kleenex and cry. And cry. He can pray, he can scream in his car despite on-lookers...(hey, for all they know, he could be talking on his Blue-tooth!). This too shall pass...

A Chill in the Air

It's a grey, breezy morning and dozens of miniature raindrops grace my dining room window. Just a few days ago, it was a sweltering hot and humid 100 degrees in southeast Michigan and now, Autumn has settled in at least until "Indian Summer" comes to visit for one last  finale of summer  in mid-October.

 Autumn has always been my favorite season...of all time! Life slows down, kids go back to school, there is the delicious scent of burning leaves in neighbors' backyards, local cider mills open and welcome families to their famous Michigan "plain" donuts warm and fresh from the oven along with plenty of apple cider.    There is time to reflect upon the first 3/4 of the year that has already passed so incredibly fast! A new sense of clarity ensues... We can hear the music of our souls more clearly as the nights become longer and our dreams  become more vivid. Autumn is a time of reflection, remembering, giving thanks, of redirecting and "tweaking" our dreams and aspirations. A sense of profound peace permeates our Beings with an  appreciation for all the joyful experiences of the earlier portion of the year. Autumn is also the time when next Spring's  babies are lovingly conceived under a warm quilt with  the glowing ambience  of a lit fireplace. 

With the season of Light right around the corner, people are thinking of loved ones  and beginning to prepare for gift-giving and festive celebrations. 

Being Divinely interconnected with Mother Earth, We humans; like our animal friends, are devoting time to hunting and gathering and/or stocking up on food for the Winter.  A sense of hibernation ensues as we plop on the sofa on a chilly Friday evening with our loved one and enjoy a movie and a bowl of freshly popped gourmet popcorn smothered with butter and dowsed with salt. All is well in our Autumn world...